Lemon Eye Test

‘How bad is it?’ I asked, chewing on my nails outside the bathroom door.

‘Pretty bad, Mark,’ Rebecca growled at me from the other side of the locked door. ‘I can’t see anything!’

‘What, at all?’

What does “anything” mean?!

‘Okay, okay,’ I said soothingly, stepping back from the door. ‘No need to get angry, we can work this out—’

‘You blinded me, you nitwit!’

‘Hey,’ I frowned. ‘That could have happened to anyone. There’s no need for name-calling.’

‘No!’ the door flew open, and a very angry Rebecca stepped through it. Her face was wet from the sink, and mascara ran down her cheeks as she glared in my general direction. ‘You don’t get to do that!’

‘Do what?’

‘Your little revision,’ she growled. ‘Not just anybody would do that to a lemon!’

‘Cut it?’ I frowned.

‘Cut three at once,’ she shrieked, reaching for my throat. I quickly ducked out of the way. ‘In mid-air!’

‘Look, we’ll just take you to an optometrist practising in the Cheltenham area and they’ll be able to help—’

‘Help what?! Restore my vision?!’

‘Yeah,’ I rolled my eyes, glad she couldn’t see. ‘That’s exactly what we’re hoping.’

‘Look, Mark,’ she stuck her finger in the air, clearly where she thought my face was. ‘Just so you know, I will never forgive you for this!’

‘Noted,’ I sighed. ‘But you’re forgetting something.’


‘You want an eye test, right?’

She glared at me as an answer.

‘Well, it’s going to be an eye test close to Brighton, right?’

‘Go on,’ she fumed.

I jingled my car keys, and audibly heard her fists clench.

‘I could get a taxi,’ she growled.

‘True, true,’ I nodded. ‘Although you’d need to call one, or order it off your phone.’

‘Are you threatening me?’ she asked coldly. My eyes widened and I shook my head.

‘No, no,’ I said quickly. ‘Of course not! I’m just saying—’

‘Good,’ she cut me off, walking forward and snatching the keys from my hand. ‘I’ll be waiting in the car.’